Yipee and Eiya!

I am delighted to report that I am feeling much better now. I finished reading Shopalcholic Ties the Knot and continued working on developing my knowledge of the Italian language. I also watched The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, Ellen, Family Guy, Futurama and the Young and the Restless which all makes me very happy. I even did a little dance, some exercise and moved the coffe table.

I am still collecting data on my ability to concentrate, memorize and learn through my expereince with the Italian software. It seems I am very good at comprehending and memorizing simple concerete information, but recieve lower marks on more abstract and complex ideas. I also cannot be infront of a computer for more than 30-40 mins. My eyes already feel strained by looking at the computer for an hour now.

I have been trying to locate information on 'incompetence' in the Employment Standards Act and the Dufferin Peel Catholic District School Board Collective Agreement, but have not been able to locate the information. I want to see if my symptoms follow under that category or whether I can make a strong case that claim does not apply to me. My overall goal now is to be laid off at the end of the school year so that I can still apply for E.I if need be and looking for a new job would not look as bad if I were to be fired or quit. I want to make it as difficult as possible for the board to fire me under certain grounds. Well until then, I will keep dancing and smiling...

Hope, Faith and Love

Life may toss some curveballs at you, but you must continue to swing away. Adrian was concerned when I told him that I did not have energy to clasp my hands together to pray while I was lying down and watching mass on TV. I had to wobble towards my bed and sleep for an hour just so that I would have enough energy to sweep the floor and walk around the apartment. I know he wants to continue to take care of me, but he is sick at the moment. He is coming down with a cold or flu, because he has a sore throat and feeling groggy.

Although there are times when I get frightening nightmares about my health and future, I still have hope and faith that all will be well in the end. I enjoy playing my Italian games on the computer and Romance IX with Adrian. I taught him how to create animations for the Power Point Presentation yesterday and we both read our books. I also had fun watching Amazing Race and Desperate Housewives. I think last night's episode of DH was well written and kept its audience captivated for the hour with the emotional twists and turns. I only wish the Barbie team was eliminated, because they should not have yielded the Alabama girls.

My parents came over yesterday for lunch. Adrian and I found an easy receipe, but I felt bad for waiting too long to cook and therefore kept my parents waiting for their lunch that I messed up the recipe. It took even longer for me to serve them. Although my mom continued to put down our apartment and snooped through Adrian's school work, she did help me cook lunch. My father seemed impressed or perhaps surprised that my apartment was actually quite decent. lol. I think he was the most normal person at my apartment yesterday. My mother would provoke others to argue with her and as usual she always thinks she is right. Her heart is in the right place, but she always has trouble relaxing and simply being happy for people.

Overall, I think I am happy and I believe that as long as you have hope, faith and love all will be well in the end. I am also happy that my mom brought my Ireland photos and my dad brought some memoribila from Ireland with them. I shall shaer it with you soon.

2nd and 3rd Century China can heall all ailments

It may surprise you that acting as Yuan Shao in 281 CE relaxes me and relieves me of all the tension in my body. I always feel so content working along next to Cao Cao and uniting to fight Lu Bu. Yes, it is true - Romance of the three Kingdoms has proven to be the best medicine. I can eat healthy and exercise, but I still get the dizzy spells. It is only when I am completely captivated by this game that I suddenly feel much better. Adrian and I comment about the amount of time that passes by as we take a friendly break from our world.

He is always surprised when I don't want to win in Backgammon by bumping him off the board. He always tells me different moves that benefit me, but makes him eventually loose because he thrives on the competition and desire to win. I just like playing for the social interaction and joy of the game. We make a very interesting pair. : )

I also recieved another spell at school and I am considering staying with my parents during the holidays, because I can never completely predict the outcome of my health. These ones were so bad that I thought my cell phone was heavy and I had trouble opening and closing it before and after calls. I also had no energy to stand up or sit with my knees pressed closer to me. I had to let them fall onto the ground. I would heave myself from my chair, swing around the door frame and slide onto the floor. Then I would press the side of my body against the wall and slide up, swing around the door frame, grab the back of my chair and plop down. I called Adrian to pick me up from school and he met me at OISE and took me home. He even bought me some chips before we got on the TTC.

I am looking forward to my parents coming to our house today. It will be the first time my father steps into my apartment since I moved in. I can hear Adrian shaving in the next room so I should get going.

A new twist

What does James Bond have in common with historical China? I played my first video games yesterday with Adrian. He was taking a break from his studies and we began with "007 Nightfire", but the motions were making me a wee queasy. We began playing PS2's "Romance of the three kingdoms: IX", which was more easy for me to use. I enjoyed playing both games and it was nice to do something out of the ordinary.

It seems that I will not be able to return to work in the near future and I have stopped my job hunt temporarily until I know more information. My doctor was shocked to see a blod clot on my arm and more concerned when he discovered it was from a visit to the ER. He now thinks I may have a cognitive impairment so he rushed me across the hall to take a urine and blood test. I also had a CCG done where they hook up tiny electrodes to your chest and clamps to your wrists and ankles. I will also have a CT test and an appointment with a neurologist and the psychiatrist. This may explain why I have trouble concentrating on anything for more than 10-30 minuites. It seems the only thing I can do effortlessly is read and watch tv.

I think Madonna may be loosing her touch as she grows older and I find myself wishing she could continue to perform the same spectacles and extravaganza from her younger years. I think it is a mix of being older and trying her best to remain controversial and hip.

Adrian and I think Yul will win Survivor, but our second bets differ. I want Ozzie and he wants Becky. We both love watching The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and The Colbert Report in the mornings.

I am glad that Adrian has begun his job hunt and that he did the laundry. He also left me a note when I got home. He always does cute things like calling or leaving notes.

It was so much fun to speak with Andrea yesterday as well. She told me of her trip to California and was able to give me some insight on my work situation from a legal-human resources standpoint. It really confirmed a lot of my beliefs that I was being set up from the beginning and now the workplace has this paper trail of reasons why I am so called incompetent.

It is just so unfortunate that we all could not be honest with each other from the beginning and simply state they did not want me there nor did I want to continue a future in the teaching profession. We could have made the whole thing amicable. I am still in contact with one of my VPs and now he wants a USB key with the mark entry data despite having a hard copy print out of the marks. He claims that he needs to update the marks for the kids, but I am beginning to wonder if there is not some ulterior motive to this new request.

Adrian and I are bit concerned how we are suppose to consume all the food my mother bought us. In her great efforts to make sure both of us are well and we would have enough food for two weeks, she forgot that she bought all perishables so now we have two weeks worth of food to eat in a few days. lol. I also forgot to give my mom her tupperware and will probably arrange to do that on the weekend.

There is such a richness in Josh's voice that uplifts my spirits and brings tears to my eyes. I think my neighbours must realize that I am going through a slight hiccup in my life, because of the amount of times I blast "You are loved (Don't Give Up)" by Josh Groban. The only thing I need now is a sea of people swaying side to side with tea candles, lighters and lit up cell phones chanting "Don't Give Up" as the music cresendos to a climax.

I also realized that I am becoming more emotional lately. I cried when Adrian played Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush's "Don't Give Up" which is based on a couple overcoming their obstacles. The man continously searches for a job, but feels like a failure when all his endeavours seem futile. The woman tries cheering him up and nourishing him with encouragement. I also cried while reading Shopalcholic Takes Manhattan, because it is about a girl who makes a series of slight mistakes and then gets crucified by the press. Although there was a time when everyone seemed to want her, now all the jobs have run barren and people are dismissing her. She has to evaluate her life and pick herself up with the help of her family, best friend and one contact. The ending is quite rereshing and hopeful. I could empathize with the character.

I keep wanting to do my Italian homework so I don't feel like I am falling further behind, but now all I want to do is watch my Madonna concert that I taped last night and cherish these moments. I tried uploading the engagement photos, but it is not quite working.

You are loved - Josh Groban - Part 1

My mother heard this song on the radio and thought of me. She wanted to download it, but luckily we heard it in the radio last night. It is a truly wonderful song by Josh Groban. I know that eventually I shall find my true path.

Don't give up

It's just the weight of the world

When you're heart's heavyI,

I will lift it for you

Don't give up

Cuz you want to be heard

If silence keeps youI,

I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood

Well I can hear you

Everybody wants to be loved

Don't give up

Because you are loved

Don't give up

It's just the hurt that you hide

When you're lost insideI,

I'll be there to find you

Don't give up

Because you want to burn bright

If darkness blinds youI,

I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood

Well I can hear you

Everybody wants to be loved

Don't give up

Because you are loved

You are loved

Aaaah

Don't give up

It's just the weight of the world

Don't give up

Everyone needs to be heard

You are loved

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol - Part 1

I keep playing this song over and over again, because it reminds me of my trip in Ireland and Europe. I thought I would share the lyrics with you and use some pictures from the Isle of Skye and Inverness, Scotland.

We'll do it all

Everything

On our own

We don't need

Anything

Or anyone

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know

How to say

How I feel

Those three words

Are said too much

And They're not enough

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time

Chasing cars

Around our heads

I need your graceto remind me

to find my own

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am

All that I ever was

Is here in your perfect eyes,

they're all I can see

I don't know where

Confused about how as well

Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Pictures and health

It is quite amusing to see people wait anxiously for pictures, but they plop in their chairs upon recieving them and do absolutley nothing for days. I finished uploading my Germany pictures a few days ago, but only posted them today. I recieved my engagment pictures, but have no way of scanning them in.

It also seems rather odd that I feel more sick when I am actually doing nothing. I lie around the house watching tv and reading Sophie Kinsella, but there are still times when I am so dizzy or my eyes feel strained from simply being open.

I had vertigo while waiting for the subway on Monday, but it went away while I was at Second Cup with Krista. I had a pleasant chat with her and then I felt pangs in my stomach during Italian class and had to leave early. My mother came by yesterday with arm loads of food and was nice enough to drive me around to do some errands. I continued to relax today and even made myself sit up more often and eat more healthy foods.

Overall, I do feel much better now that I am taking some time off. I am following Krista's advise to do nothing this week and then start gradually next week. I like Shopaholic takes Manhattan. lol. I keep wanting to upload pictures of Ireland, but keep forgetting to get them from home.

Weekly Update

A VISIT TO THE DOCTOR
I mixed up the dates of my appointment and I finally saw my doctor on Friday. He was not prepared to diagnois me with anything and suggested I see a psychiatrist in the meantime. My appointment is Dec 5, which means I will have to use the rest of my sick pay and eventually go on E.I. He also wants me to stop by every week in order to gather more data so that he can make a better diagnosis after I visit the psychiatrist. I trust him so I agreed.

Adrian was sick last week and so we thought it was best for him to speak with the family doctor as well. The phone rang while the doctor was gathering information on him and it was the school board requesting information on when I would be back. I left the room and spoke in the hallway. I told Cheryl (the woman in the health department who spoke with me last year) the truth and that my next appointment is Dec 5. She seemed pleased with the progress I was making and wanted the preliminary forms to be filled out. I explained that the doctor was not ready yet to give a diagnosis and would prefer to hold onto those forms until he is ready to make a statement about my health. She seemed insistent on the forms so I wandered back into the doctor's room and passed the phone to him. He told her the same thing about how he was not ready to give a statement, but finally caved in to her requests. He finished examining Adrian and then filled out the form muttering about how stupid they were and how it didn't make any sense for him to fill out a form when he didn't know what to say. He told me to come back in a week and so I made my next appointment with him for Friday at noon.

I remembered how worried Cheryl had sounded about notifying the school about when I was returning, because they needed to know whether to continue using a supply teacher. I checked my watch and it was 2:10. I tried calling Wayne about speaking to the school about this new news, but he was on the other line. I simply called the school and said I would be off until Dec 5 and to please continue using Mr. Small until I return.

SPEAKING WITH FRIENDS
It was so great to see Krista two weeks ago after my Italian class and discussing the whole issue with her in a pub. Krista advised me to look into the laws regarding unlawful termination and to keep my options open for wherever my life may lead me. I was happy to hear about the progress she was making in her life and was sad when we had to part. A part of me felt bad that my mother was waiting for me to ring her so that she could pick up the bags in my apartment and another part of me wanted to spend more quality time with Krista.

It was equally delightful to meet up with Frank before his class and sit in the lounge discussing the whole affair. Although I am one who would prefer to speak about more pleasant events, it is always insightful to see what a friend in the profession thinks about the whole ordeal. He agrees that it is a crazy time and that I should pursue a path that makes me happy and does not interfere with my health. He gave me some advise and pointed out that I do appear meek and that I should become more firm in the classroom. I recalled reading about the scientific changes a person could make with their vocal chords and agreed. I also know that is a persona that I will need to fix. The only time I felt bad is when we had to part and I realized we never did eat lunch and I hoped that he had ate before I saw him.

I was excited to spend time with Adrienne yesterday and Adrian commented on how happy I sounded while speaking to her on the phone. I thought about the two of us shopping or having dinner at Yorkdale and the lively discussion we had on the phone about our mothers. She is one of the rare people who truly understand what I am going through so it is great to speak to her about such issues. I just never realized that I was only capable of speaking to her while lying down.

WHAT NEXT...
I plan to take it easy now. I am suppose to rest and continue taking my sleeping pills if necessary. I plan to upload more pictures as I have already finished uploading my Germany album. I want to share my photos of my trip with Ellen and my time in Scotland. I still need to get my Ireland photos. I also want to share more photos of the apartment. I want to continue reading at my own pace and making more handouts on Lives of the Saints. I should spend some more time doing my Italian homework, but for the most part I do plan to lie down, exercise and watch tv.

Weekly Update

You know you had an interesting week when you are squealing with delight, rushing to the emergency room, and lounging with a friend.

MOVIES
Due to the melodrama in my life, I have been falling drastically behind in my Italian class. I thought renting an Italian film may help me become more familiar with the language. I rented Respiro and the only benefit the film had was to remind me of the life that I miss so dearly. Although I am not fond of how the group of boys behave in the story, I do like the metaphorical storytelling and the slow pace in which the villagers live. There is never a rush to do anything nor are the people shackled to their cellphones, computers and everything else in life that is suppose to make it better only to interfere with it. I know my father would not like it for the ending is symbolic and leaves the person yearning for more answers.

Adrian was quite excited to see The Lake House and I thought the premise of the film was interesting. I really like the dog who connects these two souls lost in a time warp. It is quite beautiful and there is a part of me who wishes I could rest in a glass house on a lake. I enjoy the illusion that you are floating on the water, but as the characters point out it does lack a certain amount of privacy. It is a great chick flick and we both enjoyed it.

Our favorite fillm would be Happy Feet. Baby Mumble is so adorable and there is a nice twist in the middle of the film that is quite educational for children. There are some scenes which I think are too frightening and surreal for young children, but Ramon will quickly lighten their spirits. It has a great ensemble and the transitions between song and speech is remarkable. I think if you enjoyed Moulin Rouge, you will enjoy this film. I would be more than happy to discuss this film with others who have seen it.

SORTING OUT MY LIFE
I began my lesson plans with a certain amount of dread, despair, excitement and enthusiasm. The task seemed daunting, but the chance to prove I can handle myself thrilled me. I started working on literacy activities that would be benefical for all grades and started working on lessons for Lives of the Saints. I also enjoyed reading my Teacher Survival Book and the beginning of "Getting the Buggers to Behave" as it has sections for me to review on how to be an effective teacher. The review is refreshing and sparks my interest in teaching.

I also finished reading "I'm an English Major, Now What?" and started reading "What Colour is Your Parachute?". The idea that I could start my life anew and seek a career that would best suit my skill set fascinated me. You could hear me squealing in delight and I felt rejuvenated.

The only draw back is that I always felt torn between these two paths. I knew that I needed to rest, because the housechores and sorting out my life was slowly dragging me down and making me stressed. I once woke up at 3am just to try to do all the work I wanted to accomplish.

MY FIRST HOSPITAL CARD
I awoke yesterday morning with the uneasy feeling that there were tiny little hands clinging onto my pajamas and pulling me into the bed so that I would have to use all my energy just to sit up. This sensation never left me despite the fact that Adrian and I had full meals, went downstairs to use our gym in the apartment and I took a few steps outside for some fresh air. I would spend most of the day in bed. Adrian mentioned that he was feeling a bit queasy himself and thought our apartment may have an unusual amount of carbon monxide that day or perhaps we were not eating correctly. He had felt much better once he took the garbage out and went out to buy my newspaper - I did not.

He came into the apartment and saw me perched on my chair in front of the computer screen. I was slumped forward and leaning on my arms. He leaned into hug me and my eyes drooped as I slumpt off the chair. He caught me before I hit the ground. He wanted to take my blood sugar level, but I have a fear of people pricking my fingers with needles. He immediately ran around looking for the closest hospital and a taxi number.

The taxi drove us to the ER and I felt a bit better while waiting for the triage nurse, but not audible for him to hear me. Adrian had to speak on my behalf. I had two cookies and some water that Adrian packed for me and felt better to start reading my parachute book. We saw the nurse and she took some blood. We saw the doctor and he ran some rudimentary tests before saying I may have muscle weakness, but I am fine. We returned home and I laid down to rest some more and I do feel better.

This is a rather long entry so I shall leave the next part for another entry.

living and bedroom

Here is another view of the living room with the flags and couch.

This is a view of our bedroom. That is Adrian's blanket on our bed. I placed a pillowcase on my nightstand, because I have a tendency to toss things on it and did not want anything to spoil the wood. Can you imagine me inspecting my furniture and getting excited about housewares? Man, I am getting old.lol.

For some reason, Adrian wanted both our night stands together in order to give our room more floor space. I like floor space so I agreed with him. My lamp bothers him so I only use it to read when he is not around or to allow him to see where he is going at night. The calendar hanging next to the bed is something I bought on our trip to London and Germany together. The little tupperware was my imaginary sink when our water was cut off from 9-3 yesterday.

Here is a closer look at our floor lamp, my bookcase, the end table and my posters. It is also the view from coming out of our bathroom. lol.

Here is another view of the living room.

These are Adrian's flags. The one on the left is from Labrador. The one in the middle is from Newfoundland. The one on the right is from the Soviet Union. Classic. : )

Our living and dining room

Welcome to our living room. Adrian's C-3pO sits ontop of my bookcase along with his Gandalf figure. We also decided to display a native painting he recieved from his former girlfriend on our bookcase. The side facing you features all or dvds (Yes, it takes up four shelves. lol) The other side features Adrian's books with some of my own. The couch on the left is from my grandparent's house.

welcome to our dining room. The Italia soccer team and Shakespeare poster is mine. The end table comes from Krista's apartment and now holds Adrian's schol books.

our dining room area

Here is our dining room area. Our kitchen is a bit fuzzy, but you can see we just finished our dinner with some vegetables. The little calendar hanging off the bar area is a gift sent from Adrian's mark commemorating all of the people and places in Lumsden, Newfoundland where he is from.

The remaining photos are a bit blurry since I took them at night. I shall wait until tomrrow morning to take some more.

Our dresser

Here is two different looks at our dresser. The one on the left features Adrian on the couch in front of his Labrador flag. My Florentine clock and vase (Krista may recognize it) sits on the dresser with my Venetian mask.

Welcome to our virtual tour of the apartment. Here is our living room. Our white recliner leans against the wall with an empty Playstation box on its seat. My "birdhouse" cd tower is the one Krista and I saw at an antique store for $69 and I recieved it as a Christmas gift from my Uncle Tom's family a few years ago.

My Beatles gifts to Adrian hang on the wall next to it and our cabinet stands near our window. We decided to place our stuff animals there and there is a photo of Adrian with his twin sister and mom.

His TV with the playstation box is in the right hand corner of the room with our phone and the dresser next to it.

"Open your window and say is your house clean today?"

My father rarely watches a film with my mother and I, because he believes that cinema no longer produces anything of value. There are the odd occasions when he does sit down with us and one day we all saw a film where a preacher leaned against a balcony railing and exclaimed, "Open your window and say is your house clean today?!" Although this line was meant as a metaphor for people to examine their lives and cleanse themselves of previous sins, my mother and I imagined an average person flinging open their shutter doors and screaming this question. We imagined ourselves strolling along our sidewalk only to see our neighbours wailing fervently "Is your house clean today?!"

There are several cultures who do see a deep correlation between the tidiness of their homes and the state of their souls. A cluttered or messy room would mean a soul lost in chaos or gone astray. You can imagine the state of my place in the previous weeks. Adrian and I would try to tidy it up for our guests, but the next day it would seem like a tornado rampaged our apartment and tore it apart.

You can also imagine our delight when our cabinet and dresser was finally delivered in the morning. I spent most of the day organizing and clearing out all the clutter. I even took some pictures! It is remarkable how much a clean room and apartment can do for some one's overall health and state of mind. Adrian and I were finally able to sleep properly and work more efficiently. I shall post the pictures soon.

I also started some lessons and am reading my books on teaching. I have also ruled out some professions and started considering others.... I am so happy now that I can finally say that my house is clean today.

It may be difficult to decipher how large a hole that may be in the ground, but it is an imprint of when the bombs were dropped along Normandy. an average person can wander through the different slopes and holes made by these bombs and circle around where they have hit. It is truly remarkable and sorrowful to see the tragedy still in place after all these years.

I can still remember my reaction when I crawled through one of the trenches and slithered into a tiny manhole. I pressed my fingers against the cold cement and glanced upwards. I felt so elated to see the sky above my head and I slowly stood up. I swirld around to gather a bearing of my surroundings and all I could see was the devestation left behind. I could hear the sea roaring and the gentle wind upon my face. I imagined what it would be like as a solder re immersing into all the madness and chaos of the war, yet so happy just to see some form of light. It had an eerie feeling as I hoisted myself out of the hole and kneeled down upon the pavement and encouraged Ellen to discover this feeling as well. It is something I shall not soon forget.

Adrian and I's anniversary and taking a stroll through Caens

Today is Adrian and I' s second year anniversary and we are quite happy, but tomorrow's date that seems to bring a sense of sadness. Adrian and I had a pleasant time watching Stranger than Fiction and enjoying quality time together whereas tomorrow we must remember those who have fallen.



Ellen and I went to Caen in France to visit the sites of solders who had fought in both world wars. The visitor centre helps guests understand the overall impact the war had on both sides since France was occupied by the Nazi's and their opponents.

I'm an English Major, Now What

The Budget rental company called last night while Adrian was teaching me how to play Chess when they notified me that my wallet was still in their car. I went to Brampton today to pick it up and I stopped into Indigo on my way. I saw two interesting books. One was called "I'm an English Major, Now What" which is extremely entertaining, informative and relevant to my position right now. The other is called "What Colour is Your Parachute?" and I heard several good things about that series.

I also finished cleaning the computer room and bathroom yesterday, which leaves only the messy bedroom. I also realized how old I am today. I no longer can access resources in the career centre or take out books from the library at U of T. I spent some time photocopying material to help me teach "Lives of the Saints'.

Adrian also taught me how to play backgammon so overall this time off is proving to be most beneficial. I think I may need to take another pill as the Ginos have thier music blaring and I Cannot sleep.

Voice Management

I always wondered how people develop a "Teacher's Voice", but no one could give me a direct answer. I am currently reading, "Teacher's Survival Guide 2" by Angela Thody, Barbara Gray and Derek Bowden. I truly enjoy this book, because it offers insightful feedback for the average teacher. There is one section titled, "Success with Pupils' and it divded into three sections: Creating a positive learning environment, managing difficult situations and voice management. The first two sections were key in helping me pinpoint the specific causes for the disruption in my classroom and an excellent review on how to correct my behaviour.

Graham Welch's Voice Management section is excellent for a person like me. He breaks down the section into two key components: physiological causes/responses and psychological causes and responses. His background in kinesology helps the reader understand the scientific reasoning behind vocal disorders and why they may have a problem controlling the classroom. He gives these excellent exercises to help people understand and develop the 'teacher voice" and then ends the chapter with ways to help prevent vocal disorders and actual steps to help you. It is remarkable how much your diet and posture can help with your voice.

It is also explained why I had so much trouble breathing in the classroom. (I shall try to explain, but I will probably butcher it. lol) Due to the dry air, lack of ventilation and my actions, my vocal folds were being overlengthen and used ...creating a vocal collapse or prohibiting the proper amount of moisture and air to flow through my larnyx / lungs...which made it hard for me to speak and gain control of the class..as well as actually breathing.

I am now on the success with collegues section, but first I think I will continue to clean out the clutter. The espon salt bath and cleaning the bathroom seemed to help as well.

Sick Leave

This is my fourth day on sick leave and I feel like my life is slowly coming together. Although the union and health department would like to see me get treatment for a "filter in my brain" that blocks my ability to comprehend things, I have yet to see a health professional who thinks I need to seek psychiatric help.

I have devised a plan to assist me with my stress management and health needs. I will exercise every day to reduce the tension in my body and to increase my overall well being. I have already started my ballet exercises and will soon move over to weight training in my gym and dancexercise. I will take warm baths with epson salt to also help me with the tension in my body.

Adrian and I began to clean the clutter in our apartment and I will continue to do this while on my sick leave. People need a clean and tidy place to work and sleep and all the clutter was adding to an ongoing feeling of chaos and stress. I also plan to do some lesson planning and creating intriguing exercises for when I come back.

One of the most important steps I am taking is finally reading all my books on classroom management and teaching to help me sort out what I am doing wrong and how to improve. This should help with the overall work flow and make life much easier when I am at school and home.

I am also brushing up on my Italian, which should help with my classes and the next unit of study - Nino Ricci's Lives of the Saints.

I find I sleep better now and I still take time to rest while I am on my sick leave. I have already inputted all the marks online with the comment codes to prove that I can still be on top of things as long as people leave me alone. I am also looking forward to uploading most of my trip pictures.

I have also decided to leave the teaching profession after June, because I can no longer trust anyone of authority at the board. I will start looking for a job and creating resumes and cover letters. I am hoping to leave on pleasant grounds and that the changes I am making will be effective until the end of the school year.

Although the authorities may not like my plan while on sick leave, it will have to do for now.