last days at home
I leave this house with happiness and sorrow. I had an uplifting day with Krista as we went through shop after shop searching for things for our condo or apartment. We even picked up a few Tuscan pieces at Michael's and then met Adrian where we went through Ikea together. We had a delightful meal and strolled through the store imagining different pieces in our new place. I didn't want the moment to end.
I came home and my mother was rummaging through our closet and cupboards searching for things to offer me, but I told her I did not want to add any more conflict to the household. I knew my father would get upset if I took more items and I am just too worn down to deal with any more drama. My mother tried to be kind to me, but she has a tendency to stray away from things.
I have warned my parents about pushing me too far. I have told them if they continue to be upset whenever I am happy I will have no other choice, but to cut them out of my life. I cannot continue living or associating with people who only want me to be miserable. I have done it for 28 years and just cannot handle it anymore. My mother wanted to know how Adrian made me happy and I said it was because he loved me for who I am. He doesn't expect me to follow the latest trends and look like some supermodel. He doesn't care if I am strange, quirky, bloated, silly, or cannot speak properly. He just wants me to be me and tries so very hard to make me happy. I can tell he loves me and for many more reasons that I can ever possibly say I love him too.
She just keeps nagging at the same points over and over. She keeps ranting on these incoherent babbles about Adrian using me for money and trying to get my inheritance. She droans on and on about him taking forever to return to school and not working harder at getting an appopriate job. Both my parents refuse to see the obvious and continue to conjure up these cockamania stories and I remind her that she is pushing too much. I remind her about all the times Adrian paid for things including the time he placed $700 cash on our kitchen counter to physically prove he was paying for his trip to England and Germany. The cash laid on the counter for days as a reminder that he paid and yet they continue to say he never pays for anything. Adrian and I have tried numerous times to reason with them, but they never seem to listen. They go on and on and on and on with these nonsensical discussions about nothing.
I point out to her that it is my mother who often asks me for money. She is also the one who has been calling me fat for the past four years despite my six year history with anoxeria. I don't know any other parent who would constantly criticize their children and do such things as that. I ask her if she thinks it is odd that I refuse to tell them where I will be living specifically, because I don't want them to be a part of my life in Toronto. I told her that I will eventually come back to this house and remove every evidence of me. All the books, cds, furniture, papers, etc will all be gone. We can then say our goodbye's and I will simply step out of their lives. This way we no longer need to fight or get upset. There will be no christmas cards, phone calls or visits. I will simply disappear and we can just have that last moment together.
The only way I see it being otherwise is if they light up and just be happy that I am happy...just let go of their fears, worries and just take pleasure in knowing they did their best to raise a decent and smart girl who is generally respected. If they can just love unconditionally and act without judgement, things may have a chance of getting better.
I came home and my mother was rummaging through our closet and cupboards searching for things to offer me, but I told her I did not want to add any more conflict to the household. I knew my father would get upset if I took more items and I am just too worn down to deal with any more drama. My mother tried to be kind to me, but she has a tendency to stray away from things.
I have warned my parents about pushing me too far. I have told them if they continue to be upset whenever I am happy I will have no other choice, but to cut them out of my life. I cannot continue living or associating with people who only want me to be miserable. I have done it for 28 years and just cannot handle it anymore. My mother wanted to know how Adrian made me happy and I said it was because he loved me for who I am. He doesn't expect me to follow the latest trends and look like some supermodel. He doesn't care if I am strange, quirky, bloated, silly, or cannot speak properly. He just wants me to be me and tries so very hard to make me happy. I can tell he loves me and for many more reasons that I can ever possibly say I love him too.
She just keeps nagging at the same points over and over. She keeps ranting on these incoherent babbles about Adrian using me for money and trying to get my inheritance. She droans on and on about him taking forever to return to school and not working harder at getting an appopriate job. Both my parents refuse to see the obvious and continue to conjure up these cockamania stories and I remind her that she is pushing too much. I remind her about all the times Adrian paid for things including the time he placed $700 cash on our kitchen counter to physically prove he was paying for his trip to England and Germany. The cash laid on the counter for days as a reminder that he paid and yet they continue to say he never pays for anything. Adrian and I have tried numerous times to reason with them, but they never seem to listen. They go on and on and on and on with these nonsensical discussions about nothing.
I point out to her that it is my mother who often asks me for money. She is also the one who has been calling me fat for the past four years despite my six year history with anoxeria. I don't know any other parent who would constantly criticize their children and do such things as that. I ask her if she thinks it is odd that I refuse to tell them where I will be living specifically, because I don't want them to be a part of my life in Toronto. I told her that I will eventually come back to this house and remove every evidence of me. All the books, cds, furniture, papers, etc will all be gone. We can then say our goodbye's and I will simply step out of their lives. This way we no longer need to fight or get upset. There will be no christmas cards, phone calls or visits. I will simply disappear and we can just have that last moment together.
The only way I see it being otherwise is if they light up and just be happy that I am happy...just let go of their fears, worries and just take pleasure in knowing they did their best to raise a decent and smart girl who is generally respected. If they can just love unconditionally and act without judgement, things may have a chance of getting better.
posted by Ophelia Pace at 6:40 PM
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