Frank McCourt and my Kenny B

Fiona and I went to see Frank McCourt earlier this year as he went on his Teacher Man tour. I still remember him telling me to hang on!











Sometimes I wonder whether I am cut out to be a teacher. It always seems like I have so much trouble and I wake up every morning asking myself, "How the hell am I going to get through today?" I start planning everything out.

I also miss film. Despite its gruelling hours and insane scheduling and politics, it will always be my passion. Cinema is my true muse and without it I feel dead. Cinema motivates me and rejuvenates my soul in a way that no other art form or profession ever has...but I am too scared to give up my financial stability with a teaching job.


I also remember feeling motivated to teach and being proud of my profession after I read Teacher Man, because for a fleeting moment I thought I actually made a difference. I recieve glimpses of glory when my students come back to visit me or perhaps send an email. I was moved when two students genuinely asked me to join them on a ride at Wonderland and there are the students who say a few kind words at the end.

Most teachers tell me we cannot touch them all. There is no way you can reach all your students, but if you do reach a few than you know you have done your job well. I place so much energy trying to reach all of them, I cannot help feeling disappointed when there is a failure. I guess it is very hard for me to accept that I am not Superman.

There is always one scene in Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet that completly moves me.
His arms are outstretched as he lies in a crucifix position. As the several men carry him out, the song "In Pace" begins to play. I remember looking at him in his white tank top, black suspenders and pants...that (a) he is absolutely gorgeous and (b) the several layers of meaning behind that one scene. I love that scene so much that I used it as part of this blog. Just look up at the top right hand corner to see what I mean.

I really should go to church now. I wish I could spell check these blogs without the blogger shutting down on me.