The origins of the journey
It has been fourteen years since God told me why I am on this earth. I no longer think about that day, because everyone assumes it is a sad story and no wants to hear a sad story. I believe you must understand someone's past in order to appreciate their current behaviour; so I will tell you the story in hopes that you will accept me for what I am and join me on this personal odyseey.
When most people say they are depressed, they usually mean they are very sad. It is rare to find someone who truly understands what it is like to struggle through depression. My depression consumed me entirely until I no longer remembered how to speak or could recall my previous existence. I became an empty shell who went through the motion of living until one day I felt an overwhelming sensation rush through my body. Although I felt giddy and excited, there was also such a deep sorrow and despair. I suddenly realized what it meant to be alive and with it came all the happiness, joy, anguish and confusion a person of twelves years could experience. I picked up a knife and gazed at it when I heard a voice. I guess you could call it my conscience or some other scientific name, but I prefer God. He told me I must live in order to make other people's lives better.
I was not sure what the message meant or how I would approach this new vocation, but I have dedicated my life to trying to make other people's lives better. Sometimes I doubt whether I make any progress, but I remember the kind words of those whose lives were changed because I had believed in them. I truly believe that everyone is capable of achieving something great and that we must use the strengths God has given us to create a better world.
Sometimes it is frustrating as a teacher to see that each student has the potential to be the next Stephen Hawking, Leonardo Da Vinci, William Shakespeare, or Bill Gates..but the student has been told several times they will amount to nothing and therefore they don't even try. I treat every student as an individual cryptoex that I must decode in order to discover their strengths and build their self esteem. This can be emotionally and physically draining so it comes to no surprise that I often face stress related illnesses.
My doctor's discovered something different inside me last August. There seemed to be a polyp in my uterus and even more abnormalities in my ovaries. They began to run some tests and soon speculated it may be cancer. I thought about all the times I had survived gun shots, near drownings, anoxeria, accidents, and personal obstacles; and I thought about all the times I walked around Australia without any sunscreen despite the several warnings that I may get cancer. It just seemed so surreal that I may actually die because of cancer. We ran tests for seven months.
We thought of several reasons why I could never stop bleeding and why my body seemed to be rejecting new ideas. One day the doctor's examined a new x ray and blood tests....and all the previous problems vanished. Although it was odd to learn I was now in perfect health, I was happy just to chalk up the whole experience to a severe iron defiency (the current diagnosis) and whatever else it may be.
Seven months is a long time to reflect on your life. I began to wonder why I had lived so much of my life for others and not taken more time to do the things that truly mattered to me. This trip would be about a second chance at life and fulfilling all my childhood dreams and desires. It would pay homage to the people who influenced me directly or indirectly and perhaps rekindle parts of myself that were lost in my original depression.
I will fulfill a 25 year old dream by visiting Ireland, Scotland and England. I will pay tribute to my great grandparents in Termini, Sicily and to my great Uncle Joe who became like a second grandfather to me by visiting Normandy where he fought in World War 2. I will visit friends in Germany who accepted me for who I was while in Australia and a dear friend who took care of me when I had broken both of my wrists. I will visit the places I have studied in high school and univeristy that influenced the person I am today.
I look forward to this journey and hope you will join me along the way.
When most people say they are depressed, they usually mean they are very sad. It is rare to find someone who truly understands what it is like to struggle through depression. My depression consumed me entirely until I no longer remembered how to speak or could recall my previous existence. I became an empty shell who went through the motion of living until one day I felt an overwhelming sensation rush through my body. Although I felt giddy and excited, there was also such a deep sorrow and despair. I suddenly realized what it meant to be alive and with it came all the happiness, joy, anguish and confusion a person of twelves years could experience. I picked up a knife and gazed at it when I heard a voice. I guess you could call it my conscience or some other scientific name, but I prefer God. He told me I must live in order to make other people's lives better.
I was not sure what the message meant or how I would approach this new vocation, but I have dedicated my life to trying to make other people's lives better. Sometimes I doubt whether I make any progress, but I remember the kind words of those whose lives were changed because I had believed in them. I truly believe that everyone is capable of achieving something great and that we must use the strengths God has given us to create a better world.
Sometimes it is frustrating as a teacher to see that each student has the potential to be the next Stephen Hawking, Leonardo Da Vinci, William Shakespeare, or Bill Gates..but the student has been told several times they will amount to nothing and therefore they don't even try. I treat every student as an individual cryptoex that I must decode in order to discover their strengths and build their self esteem. This can be emotionally and physically draining so it comes to no surprise that I often face stress related illnesses.
My doctor's discovered something different inside me last August. There seemed to be a polyp in my uterus and even more abnormalities in my ovaries. They began to run some tests and soon speculated it may be cancer. I thought about all the times I had survived gun shots, near drownings, anoxeria, accidents, and personal obstacles; and I thought about all the times I walked around Australia without any sunscreen despite the several warnings that I may get cancer. It just seemed so surreal that I may actually die because of cancer. We ran tests for seven months.
We thought of several reasons why I could never stop bleeding and why my body seemed to be rejecting new ideas. One day the doctor's examined a new x ray and blood tests....and all the previous problems vanished. Although it was odd to learn I was now in perfect health, I was happy just to chalk up the whole experience to a severe iron defiency (the current diagnosis) and whatever else it may be.
Seven months is a long time to reflect on your life. I began to wonder why I had lived so much of my life for others and not taken more time to do the things that truly mattered to me. This trip would be about a second chance at life and fulfilling all my childhood dreams and desires. It would pay homage to the people who influenced me directly or indirectly and perhaps rekindle parts of myself that were lost in my original depression.
I will fulfill a 25 year old dream by visiting Ireland, Scotland and England. I will pay tribute to my great grandparents in Termini, Sicily and to my great Uncle Joe who became like a second grandfather to me by visiting Normandy where he fought in World War 2. I will visit friends in Germany who accepted me for who I was while in Australia and a dear friend who took care of me when I had broken both of my wrists. I will visit the places I have studied in high school and univeristy that influenced the person I am today.
I look forward to this journey and hope you will join me along the way.
posted by Ophelia Pace at 5:00 PM
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